I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
