I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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