i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
