I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
