But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
