Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They are going to name an STD after you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
