Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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