I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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