idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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