And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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