in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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