I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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