He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
