you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
