I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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