somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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