he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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