your parents love me but you hate me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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