i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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