Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Found the puke drawer
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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