A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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