I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
