As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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