Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
