Me. At least after what I've been through.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ladies don't puke and tell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize