I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We are all done wearing pants today
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Holy shit dude........stairs
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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