I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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