i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
