If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
