if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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