Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
