Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
