Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
