forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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