Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
