Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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