Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
