I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
