i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
