we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
