broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
