i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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