Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
