the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hippo gnu deer
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
foreskin is a definite game changer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
