bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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