omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
