I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
