We won't sleep together?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
