i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
