he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
