I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
