Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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