when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
