we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
