I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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