He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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