You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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