He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
