Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
