i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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