Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
