can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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