her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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