yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
