does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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