my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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