Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
