I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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