Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
