me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
