Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Someone came in the potted fern
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
