i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize