Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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