You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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