He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
