You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
