just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
