so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
