I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
