I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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