I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
