farters have to be the big spoon...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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